The other day I had a procedure.
It is a procedure I have wanted to do for a long time but have chickened out a few times. I have chickened out because I am one of the .01% who has the atypical reaction or complication to almost everything.
Sometimes doctors think I make things up. But I do not.
So is the fear with this procedure.
But, this time I am doing it.
I make the appointment for 9am. So I can be first. Because there is always a long waiting line at this doctor’s office.
Philadelphia is driving me there. We get up and are ready to go on time. We get out to his car. He turns the key and nothing.
“Really?” I say.
“Really.” he says.
“I guess we are calling a car.” I say
I call the car and it comes in 5 minutes. We take the BQE and in 15 minutes we are there.
“Woo!” I say. Because we are 10 minutes early.
We walk in and we are the only ones there! Young Doctor comes out and says, “I will be right with you.”
When she comes back out she gives me the pre-medication. I take it. I ask, “Can Philadelphia come in the room with me?”
I am counting on this really.
“I am sorry. No.”
Crap. I cannot believe it. Now I will have to be brave all by myself.
I go in. They give me 2 shots and prep me. Young doctor stars the procedure. It hurts. I wish I could say more but I am sorry I cannot.
It hurts more. Then Part 1 is done.
YD tries to get over to the other part of the procedure but she cannot visualize what she needs to visualize. Even though I am in excruciating pain I tell her, “Keep going. Try. TRY!” Because we have come this far.
I lean up to see the screen. I start telling the doctor, “Go this way, go that way.”
I quickly realize I have no idea what I am talking about so I shut up.
I say, “I have no idea what I am talking about.”
YD laughs.
“It’s ok.” she says.
“We can try one more thing.”
“DO it!” I say.
She tries but it does not work. Sadly, I will have to come back.
“You are just a little atypical.” she says.
“Yeah. Yeah.” I say.
“I know. Atypical.”
Philly comes in and offers comfort. I try to receive but I just feel so disappointed in my body and so tired of being off the norm curve. But I know I have to let it go. It has been this way my whole life.
“Let’s go get breakfast.” he says.
“Ok.” I say.
And I think: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Summerhead 